Ugly Heaven

I'm really not sure what to say about Carlton Mellick III's Ugly Heaven.I certainly enjoyed the book. It was all weird and creepy and was probably the most disturbing version of heaven I've ever heard of.

This is a warped version of heaven, though. God is missing and presumed dead. Everybody looks weird. Shadows chase people around and latch onto them.You can still die in this heaven, and that death is presumably final. There are monsters and dangers everywhere.

The story about a couple of guys called Tree and Salmon who arrive in heaven together.  They meet lots of strange people and have adventures, but there's no real resolution to the story. It's still good, but the ending just feels like the end to a chapter not the end of a story.

The Faggiest Vampire

No, this isn't a review of Twilight. Those are the lamest vampires. A faggy vampire is something else entirely. In fact, The Faggiest Vampire is a bizarro children's book by Carlton Mellick III.

I know what you're thinking. I assume it's either "I's never read a book with the word Faggiest in the title to my children!" or "That Carlton Mellick III is obviously an evil homophobe!" To be honest, I'd probably agree with you on the first one, but, while I've never met CM3, and though he may very well be evil, I doubt he's a homophobe.

In this book, being faggy is a good thing. The faggiest vampire is the one with the best mustache, which also makes him the coolest guy in town. Someone who equates being faggy with being cool is probably not a homophobe, though equating coolness with mustaches is probably a sign of being evil or at least insane.

Despite the use of the word faggiest in the title, and the frequent use of it and faggy in the story itself,  this is a good book. I would certainly rate it as one of my favorite children's books that I've read as an adult. It's a cool, fun, simple  story with a message on what it really means to be cool and on the futility of revenge.

The only reason I don't give it a full five yo-yos is because of the title.

By The Time We Leave Here, We'll Be Friends

Have you ever read a book where, when you were finished, you were pretty sure there was some kind of subtext (or some such thing) that went right over your head? I have, and that book is By The Time We Leave Here, We'll Be Friends by J. David Osborne

The book is set in a Soviet-era Siberian gulag. The main characters are all prisoners and guards.  There's drug use. There's a throat parasite. There are placentas wearing diapers.  There are tattoos. There is violence.

Heck, I'm not really sure how to explain it. I will say that even though I didn't really understand it, I did enjoy it.