Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Stop Clowning Around

Oh my God!

As you may remember, I occasionally like to rent B horror movies on DVD. When I run I run across something really bad, I review it here. If I ever find anything good, I'll review it here, too. Sadly, Mr. Jingles is not one of the good ones. It is a very, very bad movie.

It's basically a knock off of the Nightmare On Elm Street movies, only with a clown. I don't mean that the clown kills people in their dreams like Freddy did, I mean he makes jokes when he's killing. Unfortunately, unlike Freddy he's not even remotely funny. Nor, is he remotely scary. He just sucks. Almost everything in this movie sucks.

Things that don't suck: 1) The scary clown makeup; 2) The gore effects; 3) The lighting; 4) The sound. This is a step up from some of the movies I've panned. Some of them just had good gore effects and make up. Still, what this movie lacks is good acting, good dialogue, a plot that makes sense, and originality.

As I said, the plot is strongly reminiscent of A Nightmare On Elm Street. Mr. Jingles was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile (Freddy was a child killer). Mr. Jingles was beaten up by an angry mob (Freddy was killed by an angry mob). Mr. Jingles is killed after breaking out of prison and comes back from the dead for vengeance (Freddy comes back from the dead for vengeance). Mr. Jingles kills a bunch of teenagers and a few other people who get in his way (Freddy kills a bunch of teenagers).

Unfortunately, the plot is much lamer than Nightmare's. They never really explained how Freddy came back, but Mr. Jingles, despite being in a mental hospital (or jail, the plot wasn't all that clear on this), and despite being brutally abused and raped by guards and fellow inmates, manages to get ahold of a book on demonology and learns black magic. This enables him to cast a spell as he lays dying, so he can come back to kill again. (By the way, did you ever here a gun go "click, click, click" in a movie instead of "bang!" or something. If you want to see that, then watch this movie, because that's what the gun that kills Mr. Jingles does.)

The ending is really stupid too. A guy who's supposed to be dead somehow miraculously survives and shows up to save the heroine from the cops. Then Mr. Jingles kills the cops. There's nothing even remotely resembling a resolution to the plot. It's like a TV episode that's "To Be Continued," only there's no way in Hell I'd ever watch the next part of this piece of crap. It gets 1 yo-yo, and that's being generous.

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